THE MATERNITY SAGA: EPISODE 1
Pregnancy blog by Amrita Das.
Before you start to read this blog I wanna make you aware that this is my totally own experience. I have not influenced by other's thoughts. So here it is and hopefully you guys will like it.
It is said that maternity is a bliss and being a mother a woman gets all the pleasures of life that a man cant achieve. Grown up with this thought I came to know the verity behind it after my pregnancy actually. Though I have read and researched on many women issues where I have been mentioned that conjugal life is just a fantasy but luckily I got a good husband and my thought partly became false. Partly because I am still thwarted from few things because of my married life. But here my contention is not about married life , how it is going on and all that. But it is about my maternity experience. This blog is carrying only the narratives of few months of my 1st trimester which I have spent in a quite hectic way. The reason behind my grumble has been experienced by all or not I really not aware but unable to share all those grumpy feelings to anyone even not with my husband I scribbled it in my diary and now after 4 months I am sharing with everyone neither with the intention of being famous after writing it nor with the thought to make others aware of not being tangled them in maternity. This is my personal feelings and hopefully everyone will make it out.
I don't know how many people would read it but if anyone do criticise me for all that then they are also most welcome.
So as I mentioned above I was also into this contravening thought that motherhood completes a woman and also a married life , so like others I was also prepared to get pregnant and produce a baby to become our future counterpoise. But last year I decided to adopt a baby not with the thought that that I can't be productive or will not to but I thought there are so many orphans in this society, so if I somehow contribute anything for the betterment of this society then why not. So I proposed my husband and he also agreed with me. But this decision received its first negation when I said this to my parents and I was booed extremely that literally brought tears. Then few months after I was constantly convinced by my husband to leave this thought and make our own baby though he never ever forced me to get hurried. So from last December we were trying to conceive but could not. I was not upset for that until I was told by my mother-in-law to visit doctor or to have some "jhar-fuk" for having baby because there must be some problems in my body which are not allowing me to get pregnant. But I could not protest as it is out of my manners or weakness whatever. Then in January we failed again and on February we left Delhi and came to Surat and this month was that successful month when finally I got 'achievement'. Later by some elders I came to know that conceiving in one month is not easy at all. Whatever I conceived finally and informed family members about it.
It was 26th of March I tested my urine and got the positive result and at the same time I got a new job too. Naturally I was much more excited for my job rather than pregnancy and I was confident enough to continue it along with my pregnancy. But here I was only discouraged by everyone but my husband , mother and one of my closest acquaintances from Delhi. And this diffidence proved at last, after few days I left the job for my 'BABY'.
There are many more reasons of my grudge to my pregnancy. From the very first day I have been chattered by my in-law to give birth of a baby boy , she strictly told me ' I NEED AN INHERITOR'. Why on earth people keep this thought? Is this really lack of education or any other reason behind it? Not only my in-laws I have been told by few others so called literate people that being a mother of a baby boy is real happiness. This type of irritating comments did not stop there. I remember very well how my mother-in-law by the name of getting me careful uttered 'AKBAR BACHHA NOSHTO HOY GELE KEW SONGSARE PUCHBENA' ( IF ANY HOW MISCARRIAGE HAPPENS THEN I WILL LOSS ALL MY DIGNITY IN THIS SOCIETY). It hurt me too but still I could not say anything to anyone. The other thing that disgusted me most was the neighbours of Surat whom I have been really gifted after committing so much sins., These people constantly advised me what to do and what not to. There was no way out except listening to them. They are the clear picture in front of me that how much one can be illiterate. Reading, writing all my favourite pastime were intentionally and willingly nosed into by them. I was advised only to waste time with them and chatting all types of nonsenses. I was broken completely from inside. My husband did not understand me at all. He blamed me for all these. Leaving Delhi and many close persons was already a shock to me and with all these I left my job, my normal routine, my education life everything seemed to get vanished gradually. The only thought came in my mind that what to do in future , I have totally wasted my life.
In all these nuisances of my life I felt completely alone. I had no one to share my feelings. Neither I was happy for having a baby. Nothing could console me except one person , I want to write her name here , She is Nimisha Joshi , Only that lady pulled me up from that depression sitting far away from me.
This is the experience shared only of 1 months. the rests to be continued.
It is said that maternity is a bliss and being a mother a woman gets all the pleasures of life that a man cant achieve. Grown up with this thought I came to know the verity behind it after my pregnancy actually. Though I have read and researched on many women issues where I have been mentioned that conjugal life is just a fantasy but luckily I got a good husband and my thought partly became false. Partly because I am still thwarted from few things because of my married life. But here my contention is not about married life , how it is going on and all that. But it is about my maternity experience. This blog is carrying only the narratives of few months of my 1st trimester which I have spent in a quite hectic way. The reason behind my grumble has been experienced by all or not I really not aware but unable to share all those grumpy feelings to anyone even not with my husband I scribbled it in my diary and now after 4 months I am sharing with everyone neither with the intention of being famous after writing it nor with the thought to make others aware of not being tangled them in maternity. This is my personal feelings and hopefully everyone will make it out.
I don't know how many people would read it but if anyone do criticise me for all that then they are also most welcome.
So as I mentioned above I was also into this contravening thought that motherhood completes a woman and also a married life , so like others I was also prepared to get pregnant and produce a baby to become our future counterpoise. But last year I decided to adopt a baby not with the thought that that I can't be productive or will not to but I thought there are so many orphans in this society, so if I somehow contribute anything for the betterment of this society then why not. So I proposed my husband and he also agreed with me. But this decision received its first negation when I said this to my parents and I was booed extremely that literally brought tears. Then few months after I was constantly convinced by my husband to leave this thought and make our own baby though he never ever forced me to get hurried. So from last December we were trying to conceive but could not. I was not upset for that until I was told by my mother-in-law to visit doctor or to have some "jhar-fuk" for having baby because there must be some problems in my body which are not allowing me to get pregnant. But I could not protest as it is out of my manners or weakness whatever. Then in January we failed again and on February we left Delhi and came to Surat and this month was that successful month when finally I got 'achievement'. Later by some elders I came to know that conceiving in one month is not easy at all. Whatever I conceived finally and informed family members about it.
It was 26th of March I tested my urine and got the positive result and at the same time I got a new job too. Naturally I was much more excited for my job rather than pregnancy and I was confident enough to continue it along with my pregnancy. But here I was only discouraged by everyone but my husband , mother and one of my closest acquaintances from Delhi. And this diffidence proved at last, after few days I left the job for my 'BABY'.
There are many more reasons of my grudge to my pregnancy. From the very first day I have been chattered by my in-law to give birth of a baby boy , she strictly told me ' I NEED AN INHERITOR'. Why on earth people keep this thought? Is this really lack of education or any other reason behind it? Not only my in-laws I have been told by few others so called literate people that being a mother of a baby boy is real happiness. This type of irritating comments did not stop there. I remember very well how my mother-in-law by the name of getting me careful uttered 'AKBAR BACHHA NOSHTO HOY GELE KEW SONGSARE PUCHBENA' ( IF ANY HOW MISCARRIAGE HAPPENS THEN I WILL LOSS ALL MY DIGNITY IN THIS SOCIETY). It hurt me too but still I could not say anything to anyone. The other thing that disgusted me most was the neighbours of Surat whom I have been really gifted after committing so much sins., These people constantly advised me what to do and what not to. There was no way out except listening to them. They are the clear picture in front of me that how much one can be illiterate. Reading, writing all my favourite pastime were intentionally and willingly nosed into by them. I was advised only to waste time with them and chatting all types of nonsenses. I was broken completely from inside. My husband did not understand me at all. He blamed me for all these. Leaving Delhi and many close persons was already a shock to me and with all these I left my job, my normal routine, my education life everything seemed to get vanished gradually. The only thought came in my mind that what to do in future , I have totally wasted my life.
In all these nuisances of my life I felt completely alone. I had no one to share my feelings. Neither I was happy for having a baby. Nothing could console me except one person , I want to write her name here , She is Nimisha Joshi , Only that lady pulled me up from that depression sitting far away from me.
This is the experience shared only of 1 months. the rests to be continued.
Comments
Post a Comment